The Socially Awkward Penguin is a meme made by various people on the internet much like Anxiety Cat, Courage Wolf, Advice Dog, Business Cat and the list goes on. Here are some of my favourites:
I was encouraged by Sophist to start my own writing online again. It may help me get used to writing a bit more but I really have to get the motivation up to keep writing even if I don’t feel like it. It is the only way I will improve.
I have just finished choosing my subjects for university for this first semester of the year. They are Biological Bases of Behaviour (which I am sure will end up being my favourite subject), Advanced Quantitative Research Methods (which I am sure will do my head in) and Drugs and Dependence (which is a second year subject that I dropped last year when I was having rl problems and I need to do it in order to have a Minor in Health Psychology).
GA will be starting his first year doing Education and I think it will be awesome to have his company and friendship while I am at uni. At the end of last year, though, I started getting to know the people in my classes and talked to them about psychology which was what I wanted right from the start. Making friends has been really difficult and slow-going but I think I have gotten there.
I sign up for my actual classes on January 14th.
As for the floods, it was particularly bad in Toowoomba, which is in the south east of Queensland and also where GA’s parents and family live. GA came home just a few days before the flash-flooding that swept through Toowoomba. GA’s nana and aunty experienced flooding in their houses but are otherwise ok.
Here is a Youtube video showing how quick the floodwaters rose and washed a carpark of cars away:
Now Brisbane faces the biggest flood in recorded history.
It has been said by many that autistic people don’t have empathy.
In my experience this is not the case. I feel I have too much empathy. Seeing innocent people or animals hurt/in pain/suffering causes me distress. When I was child, I was made fun of for crying when I saw Tom being put in an oven by Jerry who to me, looked overjoyed at what he was doing. This was just a cartoon and I was so upset. I can’t watch horror films, it is just too much right there in my face at once.
When I watched a Star Trek TNG episode called “Hollow Pursuits” I felt odd. In the episode, a minor character (Reg Barclay) had some issues with his self-esteem. He wrote a holodeck program involving fellow crew members, highlighting their character flaws in different scenarios, which made Barclay himself appear so much better than they were. He was later caught in the middle of using his program by a few people whose personalities/characters had been part of the simulation. At this point, I looked away from the screen. I was so embarrassed for Barclay. Later, I felt silly that I had felt this embarrassment for someone in a TV show.
As I have grown up, I have learned to shut those feelings of empathy off so I don’t feel anything and therefore don’t show any emotions that people expect me to show. I don’t know how I do the shutting off, it is like I tell myself, “Don’t feel anything”. I guess it could be similar to ignoring a person that is talking to you.
However, in some cases where other people would show emotions, I would not because I don’t understand the concept. An example of this was pretend play. I couldn’t understand showing emotions or feelings for something that was not real.
I think my depression is lifting finally. I spent two nights in hospital last week and I think I needed them to take a step back from the situation I am in and get some deep sleep (which I got thanks to the help of Seroquel). I was surprised to be admitted but on the whole, I think I needed it. I felt less flat two days later. One of the things that doesn’t help when it comes to depression is to have nothing to do. And when you have something to do, you don’t feel like doing it! That has happened with me and reading. I haven’t felt like reading anything lately. I have craft to do – I make Japanese braids called Kumihimo - but it is hard to work up the enthusiasm that I used to have for it. I hope to feel differently about university and the assignments that go with it. Feeling depressed while at uni can’t be good at all.
I start back at university on the 15th of February. I only have one reader to get and then I am set to start. I bought some new lecture notebooks, a new pencil case and some new pens and a new bag to carry everything in. My old bag was starting to come apart on the inside. Not good to be carrying books and then they suddenly all fall out when the bag rips all the way through!
I have sorted things out with my family and it feels good that all is well now. But with GA, all is still up in the air. We have accepted that we may split up. This doesn’t mean divorce. It just means that we will go out separate ways for a while. Hopefully this will help us figure out what we both really want.
This is all I can think of to write for now.
…I feel quite depressed. 2009 was a horrible year – it included injuries, stress at uni, marriage problems and family problems.
I broke a rib and chipped a tooth while messing around with GA (my husband). How is that for teaching me not to mess around. Although I didn’t know I had broken a rib until the following week when I had increasing trouble with my schoolbag and stairs at uni. Th university doctor confirmed what I had done.
Stress at uni was a given and I expected it. However, given the other problems, I became a master procrastinator and handed in one of my assignments half an hour late and I lost 15% for it. I hope I have learnt my lesson from this so I can do better this year.
The marriage problems and family problems are linked and the family problems are pretty much all my fault. See, GA started to talk about transgender issues late in 2008 while I was completing my Ontrack course to get into uni. It was a shock to me because although he had spoken of thoughts about what it would be like to be a girl when we first met, he said they were just thoughts and trangender wasn’t part of his life any more. So I forgot about it. We got married and I could not have been happier. The odd thing was, I fell more in love with GA after we got married. That alone is hard for me to name because I don’t understand feelings all that much. I just know this is true.
I was shocked (and still am) at the intensity of GA’s feelings about wanting to change genders. I am not attracted to girls at all. And he wants to be one?! Right now GA is taking anti-androgens. If he starts taking oestrogen, I don’t know how I will cope.
I did not tell anyone (apart from my psychologist) about GA’s decision until recently. I felt that telling my parents would bring me relief from holding this information inside and it did at first because I was told I am supported. However, GA is not supported. I honestly understand where my family is coming from on this, but GA is a huge part of my life and I love him like I haven’t loved anyone else.
We have had a few money problems – I think due to our inept budgeting – so we couldn’t afford Christmas presents for 2009 but GA was insistent we buy for his family and so we did. I agreed to this. I love to buy presents for everyone but as I couldn’t this Christmas, I felt humiliated and avoidant. I was told that everyone in my family understood but I was still so embarrassed and I still am. I couldn’t cope with this and GA not being welcome to the family gathering so I did not take part in anything. Then I was asked if I am cutting myself off from the family on purpose but honestly I am not. It’s just that I don’t like attention being drawn to me and and now here is an abundance of it. I don’t know how to deal with attention as I have spent most of my life trying to avoid it. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen my parents since last week. 
I have seen my doctor and was told I would receive a call from the local mental health services but I haven’t. How is that for losing? I will go to seek help from there myself this coming week as I really need some coping strategies.
I am posting this comic below as it gave me a laugh about what reactions to depression can be like. The last panel is my favourite.
I finally got all my grades from university. There was some industrial action going on as the lecturers don’t get paid enough for the job they do, so our grades were not released until the day before yesterday.
I got a Pass for Research Methods, a Credit for Psychological Applications and a Distinction for Psychological Health & Wellbeing. Guess which was my favourite class? The one I got a P for. Seems ironic that the class I like the most is the one that I found the most difficult.
Can’t wait for next year, semester 1: Psychological Development, Abnormal Psychology and Drugs and Dependence.
Anthropomorphism is the attribution of human characteristics to non-human creatures and beings, phenomena, material states and objects or abstract concepts. Examples include animals and plants and forces of nature such as winds, rain or the sun depicted as creatures with human motivation able to reason and converse. The term derives from the combination of the Greek ἄνθρωπος (ánthrōpos), “human” and μορφή (morphē), “shape” or “form”.
Anthropomorphic animals are often used as mascots for sports teams or sporting events, often represented by humans in costumes. – Wikipedia.
I think I am one of these people who feel for objects even though I know that really they are not alive and don’t have feelings. Not for mascots, though, I know there are people inside the costumes.
I feel sorry for shopping trolleys left on the side of the road – they look lonely to me. When we put the air-cooler away for winter, I feel sorry for it because I think it will feel unwanted. I felt awful when I went to throw my old alarm clock out (the alarm doesn’t work any more) until my husband said to keep it for the spare room. I felt glad for my old alarm clock then.
I don’t have these feelings for clothes or food or shoes. Mostly for electrical objects – because electricity gives them life? – and for carelessly abandoned objects like the shopping trolleys and burnt out cars. People have abandoned these objects and I find it strange that they may think it is fun or that they don’t care at all in the first place.
I feel embarrassed even writing this but I know that other people do this as well, maybe not to the same extent, though.
Comments are very welcome.
I decided to make my own comic using the template I wrote of in the previous post. I decided on autism as the subject. First time ever using MS Paint. 
These pictures are now a meme on the internet – the last one in each panel, that is.
Rage Comics encourages people to make their own comics by using the site’s template and MS Paint. Pure works of art are the results.
I don’t like waiting but then I don’t know anyone who does.
I am waiting for:
- My unit grades from university. Then I can choose my unit subjects for next year.
- To get paid so I can buy my mum a cool birthday present.
- To get paid so I can buy new glasses frames for my Irlen lenses.
- To get paid so I can do a tiny amount of Christmas shopping.
- For Christmas to come so I can get over it quicker. Am I the only adult that feels very meltdownish because of the changes that happen over the Christmas period?
- For my husband to decide what he wants in life. A whole other story…
Here is a nice sparkly picture I found:
