It has been said by many that autistic people don’t have empathy.
In my experience this is not the case. I feel I have too much empathy. Seeing innocent people or animals hurt/in pain/suffering causes me distress. When I was child, I was made fun of for crying when I saw Tom being put in an oven by Jerry who to me, looked overjoyed at what he was doing. This was just a cartoon and I was so upset. I can’t watch horror films, it is just too much right there in my face at once.
When I watched a Star Trek TNG episode called “Hollow Pursuits” I felt odd. In the episode, a minor character (Reg Barclay) had some issues with his self-esteem. He wrote a holodeck program involving fellow crew members, highlighting their character flaws in different scenarios, which made Barclay himself appear so much better than they were. He was later caught in the middle of using his program by a few people whose personalities/characters had been part of the simulation. At this point, I looked away from the screen. I was so embarrassed for Barclay. Later, I felt silly that I had felt this embarrassment for someone in a TV show.
As I have grown up, I have learned to shut those feelings of empathy off so I don’t feel anything and therefore don’t show any emotions that people expect me to show. I don’t know how I do the shutting off, it is like I tell myself, “Don’t feel anything”. I guess it could be similar to ignoring a person that is talking to you.
However, in some cases where other people would show emotions, I would not because I don’t understand the concept. An example of this was pretend play. I couldn’t understand showing emotions or feelings for something that was not real.
I think my depression is lifting finally. I spent two nights in hospital last week and I think I needed them to take a step back from the situation I am in and get some deep sleep (which I got thanks to the help of Seroquel). I was surprised to be admitted but on the whole, I think I needed it. I felt less flat two days later. One of the things that doesn’t help when it comes to depression is to have nothing to do. And when you have something to do, you don’t feel like doing it! That has happened with me and reading. I haven’t felt like reading anything lately. I have craft to do – I make Japanese braids called Kumihimo - but it is hard to work up the enthusiasm that I used to have for it. I hope to feel differently about university and the assignments that go with it. Feeling depressed while at uni can’t be good at all.
I start back at university on the 15th of February. I only have one reader to get and then I am set to start. I bought some new lecture notebooks, a new pencil case and some new pens and a new bag to carry everything in. My old bag was starting to come apart on the inside. Not good to be carrying books and then they suddenly all fall out when the bag rips all the way through!
I have sorted things out with my family and it feels good that all is well now. But with GA, all is still up in the air. We have accepted that we may split up. This doesn’t mean divorce. It just means that we will go out separate ways for a while. Hopefully this will help us figure out what we both really want.
This is all I can think of to write for now.
…I feel quite depressed. 2009 was a horrible year – it included injuries, stress at uni, marriage problems and family problems.
I broke a rib and chipped a tooth while messing around with GA (my husband). How is that for teaching me not to mess around. Although I didn’t know I had broken a rib until the following week when I had increasing trouble with my schoolbag and stairs at uni. Th university doctor confirmed what I had done.
Stress at uni was a given and I expected it. However, given the other problems, I became a master procrastinator and handed in one of my assignments half an hour late and I lost 15% for it. I hope I have learnt my lesson from this so I can do better this year.
The marriage problems and family problems are linked and the family problems are pretty much all my fault. See, GA started to talk about transgender issues late in 2008 while I was completing my Ontrack course to get into uni. It was a shock to me because although he had spoken of thoughts about what it would be like to be a girl when we first met, he said they were just thoughts and trangender wasn’t part of his life any more. So I forgot about it. We got married and I could not have been happier. The odd thing was, I fell more in love with GA after we got married. That alone is hard for me to name because I don’t understand feelings all that much. I just know this is true.
I was shocked (and still am) at the intensity of GA’s feelings about wanting to change genders. I am not attracted to girls at all. And he wants to be one?! Right now GA is taking anti-androgens. If he starts taking oestrogen, I don’t know how I will cope.
I did not tell anyone (apart from my psychologist) about GA’s decision until recently. I felt that telling my parents would bring me relief from holding this information inside and it did at first because I was told I am supported. However, GA is not supported. I honestly understand where my family is coming from on this, but GA is a huge part of my life and I love him like I haven’t loved anyone else.
We have had a few money problems – I think due to our inept budgeting – so we couldn’t afford Christmas presents for 2009 but GA was insistent we buy for his family and so we did. I agreed to this. I love to buy presents for everyone but as I couldn’t this Christmas, I felt humiliated and avoidant. I was told that everyone in my family understood but I was still so embarrassed and I still am. I couldn’t cope with this and GA not being welcome to the family gathering so I did not take part in anything. Then I was asked if I am cutting myself off from the family on purpose but honestly I am not. It’s just that I don’t like attention being drawn to me and and now here is an abundance of it. I don’t know how to deal with attention as I have spent most of my life trying to avoid it. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen my parents since last week. 
I have seen my doctor and was told I would receive a call from the local mental health services but I haven’t. How is that for losing? I will go to seek help from there myself this coming week as I really need some coping strategies.
I am posting this comic below as it gave me a laugh about what reactions to depression can be like. The last panel is my favourite.
I finally got all my grades from university. There was some industrial action going on as the lecturers don’t get paid enough for the job they do, so our grades were not released until the day before yesterday.
I got a Pass for Research Methods, a Credit for Psychological Applications and a Distinction for Psychological Health & Wellbeing. Guess which was my favourite class? The one I got a P for. Seems ironic that the class I like the most is the one that I found the most difficult.
Can’t wait for next year, semester 1: Psychological Development, Abnormal Psychology and Drugs and Dependence.
Anthropomorphism is the attribution of human characteristics to non-human creatures and beings, phenomena, material states and objects or abstract concepts. Examples include animals and plants and forces of nature such as winds, rain or the sun depicted as creatures with human motivation able to reason and converse. The term derives from the combination of the Greek ἄνθρωπος (ánthrōpos), “human” and μορφή (morphē), “shape” or “form”.
Anthropomorphic animals are often used as mascots for sports teams or sporting events, often represented by humans in costumes. – Wikipedia.
I think I am one of these people who feel for objects even though I know that really they are not alive and don’t have feelings. Not for mascots, though, I know there are people inside the costumes.
I feel sorry for shopping trolleys left on the side of the road – they look lonely to me. When we put the air-cooler away for winter, I feel sorry for it because I think it will feel unwanted. I felt awful when I went to throw my old alarm clock out (the alarm doesn’t work any more) until my husband said to keep it for the spare room. I felt glad for my old alarm clock then.
I don’t have these feelings for clothes or food or shoes. Mostly for electrical objects – because electricity gives them life? – and for carelessly abandoned objects like the shopping trolleys and burnt out cars. People have abandoned these objects and I find it strange that they may think it is fun or that they don’t care at all in the first place.
I feel embarrassed even writing this but I know that other people do this as well, maybe not to the same extent, though.
Comments are very welcome.
I decided to make my own comic using the template I wrote of in the previous post. I decided on autism as the subject. First time ever using MS Paint. 
These pictures are now a meme on the internet – the last one in each panel, that is.
Rage Comics encourages people to make their own comics by using the site’s template and MS Paint. Pure works of art are the results.
I don’t like waiting but then I don’t know anyone who does.
I am waiting for:
- My unit grades from university. Then I can choose my unit subjects for next year.
- To get paid so I can buy my mum a cool birthday present.
- To get paid so I can buy new glasses frames for my Irlen lenses.
- To get paid so I can do a tiny amount of Christmas shopping.
- For Christmas to come so I can get over it quicker. Am I the only adult that feels very meltdownish because of the changes that happen over the Christmas period?
- For my husband to decide what he wants in life. A whole other story…
Here is a nice sparkly picture I found:
I had this list on my old blog and thought it only fair that it should be on my new one as well. Many people have seen this list already but for those who haven’t, here it is:
If you’re sick of hearing about all the “deficits” challenging people on the autism spectrum, join the club. But for every down side to autism, there seems to be a positive — an unusual trait that rarely appears among the “typical” community, but shines out among autistic folk. These plusses are well worth celebrating.
1. Autistic People Rarely Lie
We all claim to value the truth, but almost all of us tell little white lies. All, that is, except people on the autism spectrum. To them, truth is truth — and a good word from a person on the spectrum is the real deal.
2. People on the Autism Spectrum Live in the Moment
How often do typical people fail to notice what’s in front of their eyes because they’re distracted by social cues or random chitchat? People on the autism spectrum truely attend to the sensory input that surrounds them. Many have achieved the ideal of mindfulness.
3. People with Autism Rarely Judge Others
Who’s fatter? Richer? Smarter? For people on the autism spectrum, these distinctions hold much less importance than for typical folks. In fact, people on the spectrum often see through such surface appearances to discover the real person.
4. Autistic People are Passionate
Of course, not all autistic people are alike. But many are truly passionate about the things, ideas and people in their lives. How many “typical” people can say the same?
5. People with Autism Are Not Tied to Social Expectations
If you’ve ever bought a car, played a game or joined a club to fit in, you know how hard it is to be true to yourself. But for people with autism, social expectations can be honestly irrelevant. What matters is true liking, interest and passion — not keeping up with the Joneses.
6. People with Autism Have Terrific Memories
How often do typical people forget directions, or fail to take note of colors, names, and other details? People on the autism spectrum are often much more tuned in to details. They may have a much better memory than their typical peers for all kind of critical details.
7. Autistic People Are Less Materialistic
Of course, this is not universally true — but in general, people with autism are far less concerned with outward appearance than their typical peers. As a result, they worry less about brand names, hairstyles and other expensive but unimportant externals than most people do.
8. Autistic People Play Fewer Head Games
Who was that woman, and why were you looking at her? I know I TOLD you I didn’t mind if you went out, but why did you believe me? Most autistic people don’t play games like these — and they assume that you won’t either. It’s a refreshing and wonderful change from the Peyton Place emotional roller coaster that mars too many typical relationships!
9. Autistic People Have Fewer Hidden Agendas
Most of the time, if a person on the autism spectrum tells you what he wants — he is telling you what he wants. No need to beat around the bush, second guess, and hope you’re reading between the lines!
10. People with Autism Open New Doors for Neurotypicals
For some of us neurotypicals, having an autistic person in our lives has had a profound positive impact on our perceptions, beliefs and expectations.
Top Ten Terrific Traits of Autistic People by Lisa Jo Rudy.
Yes indeed. I had to see a psychiatrist for continuation of ADHD medication (dexamphetamine). I expected it to be a short visit – I have already been diagnosed and needed co-prescriber authorisation for my GP. Maybe a 10 minute visit. I was wrong, it lasted over an hour and I had a reassessment for ADHD. I had to answer a lot of questions, as did my husband (about me) and the psychiatrist looked through my school reports that I had brought along. It was very strange as I had not expected this to happen.
In the end, I got a prescription for two months of medication and another appointment was made for December. I don’t know exactly what that one will be about so I will update on it later.
I have read about people that have been diagnosed with ADHD and then later on (years later) with autism and they discount the ADHD diagnosis because the autism one fits better. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years before I was diagnosed with HFA and I have found that ADHD fits right alongside the HFA.
I remember when I first took ADHD medication that it had a really cool effect. Suddenly I found it easier to talk! It was as if my brain was sending what I wanted to say straight to my mouth instead of messing around with it a bit first to make sure I got confused and frustrated. The messages were clear, not full of interference. So of course I took advantage of this and started talking and talking and talking to anyone I could talk to! This included my family and what I was doing scared them and they blamed the medication. Well, they blamed right but not for the right reason, I think. It wasn’t as if I couldn’t stop myself from talking – I could, easily – but it was like I had been given a gift and I was behaving as if I only had it temporarily, getting as much use out of it as I could.
I guess I was just so excited about this new ability and I went a bit overboard in talking. Mainly by talking rubbish! Gradually the novelty of this wore off but I am still aware that talking is easier when I take my medication. It definitely helps when I have to take part in a class discussion or meet new people. When I don’t take the ADHD medication I really can’t be bothered talking a lot of the time, it is just too hard and I get frustrated and angry with myself. Especially so when my words come out all muddled and garbled. I used to be made fun of for it sometimes so I am still a bit self-conscious about it now when it happens.
I am not completely sure if this effect (the difficulty talking) is due to autism or ADHD. I have a feeling it is both because they are somewhat spliced together for me. I am truly glad that there is something that helps to make talking and other things a little easier in life.
