Depression lifting?
I think my depression is lifting finally. I spent two nights in hospital last week and I think I needed them to take a step back from the situation I am in and get some deep sleep (which I got thanks to the help of Seroquel). I was surprised to be admitted but on the whole, I think I needed it. I felt less flat two days later. One of the things that doesn’t help when it comes to depression is to have nothing to do. And when you have something to do, you don’t feel like doing it! That has happened with me and reading. I haven’t felt like reading anything lately. I have craft to do – I make Japanese braids called Kumihimo - but it is hard to work up the enthusiasm that I used to have for it. I hope to feel differently about university and the assignments that go with it. Feeling depressed while at uni can’t be good at all.
I start back at university on the 15th of February. I only have one reader to get and then I am set to start. I bought some new lecture notebooks, a new pencil case and some new pens and a new bag to carry everything in. My old bag was starting to come apart on the inside. Not good to be carrying books and then they suddenly all fall out when the bag rips all the way through!
I have sorted things out with my family and it feels good that all is well now. But with GA, all is still up in the air. We have accepted that we may split up. This doesn’t mean divorce. It just means that we will go out separate ways for a while. Hopefully this will help us figure out what we both really want.
This is all I can think of to write for now.
Depression is a very dibitating thing. And as corny as this may sound, the best thing you can do to fight it is to force yourself to do things, even though you have no enthusiam to start. SOmetimes, forcing yourself to do it, and calming yourself down for a few minutes can actually lead to you starting to like what you are doing. If you have free time, get out your favorite book. Even if you don’t feel like it, do it. Then set a time, perhaps an hour, on a alarm. Read until it goes off. Now remember, pick out your favorite book.
When the alarm goes off, I’ll bet you that you don’t want to stop reading.
Least it has worked for me. It’s like when your stomach hurts and the last thing you want to think about is food. But you force yourself to eat some chicken noodle soup and the next thing you know your stomach feels better.
I hope you feel better.
I remember the first depressive episode I ever had at age 17. It took about 4 months and it was over. It seems like you just wake up one day, and it’s gone. BUT, by the time I reached my mid-thirties, it seemed like it was there to stay. Nothing really lifted my mood enough to be out of it. Drug trials failed, keeping busy failed, exercise failed…I was living, but just not happy no matter what. It wasn’t until a crazy old doctor put me on a certain drug that I remembered what happiness was. It also cut my sex drive down to nil, but that’s worked out okay. I’d rather be happy than orgasmic…Did I say that?? Sorry…..
I hope you find happiness. Depression sucks, big time!