Empathy
It has been said by many that autistic people don’t have empathy.
In my experience this is not the case. I feel I have too much empathy. Seeing innocent people or animals hurt/in pain/suffering causes me distress. When I was child, I was made fun of for crying when I saw Tom being put in an oven by Jerry who to me, looked overjoyed at what he was doing. This was just a cartoon and I was so upset. I can’t watch horror films, it is just too much right there in my face at once.
When I watched a Star Trek TNG episode called “Hollow Pursuits” I felt odd. In the episode, a minor character (Reg Barclay) had some issues with his self-esteem. He wrote a holodeck program involving fellow crew members, highlighting their character flaws in different scenarios, which made Barclay himself appear so much better than they were. He was later caught in the middle of using his program by a few people whose personalities/characters had been part of the simulation. At this point, I looked away from the screen. I was so embarrassed for Barclay. Later, I felt silly that I had felt this embarrassment for someone in a TV show.
As I have grown up, I have learned to shut those feelings of empathy off so I don’t feel anything and therefore don’t show any emotions that people expect me to show. I don’t know how I do the shutting off, it is like I tell myself, “Don’t feel anything”. I guess it could be similar to ignoring a person that is talking to you.
However, in some cases where other people would show emotions, I would not because I don’t understand the concept. An example of this was pretend play. I couldn’t understand showing emotions or feelings for something that was not real.
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