Infinite Diversities

It has been said by many that autistic people don’t have empathy.

In my experience this is not the case. I feel I have too much empathy. Seeing innocent people or animals hurt/in pain/suffering causes me distress. When I was child, I was made fun of for crying when I saw Tom being put in an oven by Jerry who to me, looked overjoyed at what he was doing. This was just a cartoon and I was so upset. I can’t watch horror films, it is just too much right there in my face at once.

When I watched a Star Trek TNG episode called “Hollow Pursuits” I felt odd. In the episode, a minor character (Reg Barclay) had some issues with his self-esteem. He wrote a holodeck program involving fellow crew members, highlighting their character flaws in different scenarios, which made Barclay himself appear so much better than they were. He was later caught in the middle of using his program by a few people whose personalities/characters had been part of the simulation. At this point, I looked away from the screen. I was so embarrassed for Barclay. Later, I felt silly that I had felt this embarrassment for someone in a TV show. 

As I have grown up, I have learned to shut those feelings of empathy off so I don’t feel anything and therefore don’t show any emotions that people expect me to show. I don’t know how I do the shutting off, it is like I tell myself, “Don’t feel anything”. I guess it could be similar to ignoring a person that is talking to you.

However, in some cases where other people would show emotions, I would not because I don’t understand the concept. An example of this was pretend play. I couldn’t understand showing emotions or feelings for something that was not real.

I decided to make my own comic using the template I wrote of in the previous post. I decided on autism as the subject. First time ever using MS Paint.

I had this list on my old blog and thought it only fair that it should be on my new one as well. Many people have seen this list already but for those who haven’t, here it is:

If you’re sick of hearing about all the “deficits” challenging people on the autism spectrum, join the club. But for every down side to autism, there seems to be a positive — an unusual trait that rarely appears among the “typical” community, but shines out among autistic folk. These plusses are well worth celebrating.

1. Autistic People Rarely Lie

We all claim to value the truth, but almost all of us tell little white lies. All, that is, except people on the autism spectrum. To them, truth is truth — and a good word from a person on the spectrum is the real deal.

2. People on the Autism Spectrum Live in the Moment

How often do typical people fail to notice what’s in front of their eyes because they’re distracted by social cues or random chitchat? People on the autism spectrum truely attend to the sensory input that surrounds them. Many have achieved the ideal of mindfulness.

3. People with Autism Rarely Judge Others

Who’s fatter? Richer? Smarter? For people on the autism spectrum, these distinctions hold much less importance than for typical folks. In fact, people on the spectrum often see through such surface appearances to discover the real person.

4. Autistic People are Passionate

Of course, not all autistic people are alike. But many are truly passionate about the things, ideas and people in their lives. How many “typical” people can say the same?

5. People with Autism Are Not Tied to Social Expectations

If you’ve ever bought a car, played a game or joined a club to fit in, you know how hard it is to be true to yourself. But for people with autism, social expectations can be honestly irrelevant. What matters is true liking, interest and passion — not keeping up with the Joneses.

6. People with Autism Have Terrific Memories

How often do typical people forget directions, or fail to take note of colors, names, and other details? People on the autism spectrum are often much more tuned in to details. They may have a much better memory than their typical peers for all kind of critical details.

7. Autistic People Are Less Materialistic

Of course, this is not universally true — but in general, people with autism are far less concerned with outward appearance than their typical peers. As a result, they worry less about brand names, hairstyles and other expensive but unimportant externals than most people do.

8. Autistic People Play Fewer Head Games

Who was that woman, and why were you looking at her? I know I TOLD you I didn’t mind if you went out, but why did you believe me? Most autistic people don’t play games like these — and they assume that you won’t either. It’s a refreshing and wonderful change from the Peyton Place emotional roller coaster that mars too many typical relationships!

9. Autistic People Have Fewer Hidden Agendas

Most of the time, if a person on the autism spectrum tells you what he wants — he is telling you what he wants. No need to beat around the bush, second guess, and hope you’re reading between the lines!

10. People with Autism Open New Doors for Neurotypicals

For some of us neurotypicals, having an autistic person in our lives has had a profound positive impact on our perceptions, beliefs and expectations.
Top Ten Terrific Traits of Autistic People by Lisa Jo Rudy.

There is a lot going on in the autism blogging world at the moment in response to the new Autism Speaks advertisement. It is a bit more difficult for me to post what I think on it because I am in Australia, there is nothing like that here. So I can’t see for myself the effect it is having on people – autistic and non-autistic.
My mum liked the second half of it, where all the families were were standing with the autistic person. But she didn’t know what to make of the first half. The parts with all those statements about what autism will do…how does anyone know what autism will do?
So here it is:

Apparently Autism Speaks has now withdrawn it from their site due to the amount of protests against it.

I want to see this movie when it comes out. It won’t open in Australia until the middle of August sometime, though.

“Adam” – link to site about the movie.

And here is the trailer:

I Stumbled Upon this YouTube video and wondered if it could be accurate. I was sceptical that’s for sure. So I watched it.  The sound sensitivity part was very much like it can be for me. The people all up right in front of the man’s face. I know what that is like. They left out smell, though! A smelly bus can ruin everything.

But despite the potential for an overwhelming time, I really like public transport.

What I would like to see is a video of an autistic person going grocery shopping. If anyone wants some footage of this, I can provide lots of it.

The look on the face of the man left sitting on the bus made me laugh!

“A4 LOCKS OUT AUTISTIC MEMBERS

STATEMENT CONCERNING A4 – AUTISM ASPERGER ADVOCACY AUSTRALIA

ASAN AUSTRALIA understands from its members that as of today all Autistic members have been exclude from the Steering Committee of A4 (Autism Asperger Advocacy Australia) which has now been renamed the A4 Advisory Group. Convener of the A4 Advisory Group Bob Buckley states in an email to all A4 members:

“A majority group decided to separate itself from a minority dissenting group (formerly in A4 SC) who do not accept and object to long-standing polices and practices of the A4 SC.”

This minority dissenting group just happens to contain all of the people with a diagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder that sat on the A4 Steering Committee up until 18/5/09. This minority group has long been battling to be part of the national voice that is A4 and now finds themselves excluded from the very group that once claimed to represent them.

ASAN AUSTRALIA finds this situation unacceptable, reprehensible in fact. We suggest that in light of this move A4 not be seen as a legitimate voice for those on the autism spectrum. Nothing about us without us.”

Australian Autism Group block autistics

Isn’t that weird. To have a group for and about autistic people, but with no autistic people in it. Makes no sense!

I do receive a Disability Support Pension.

When I was younger, I used to get so frustrated at myself because I couldn’t do things the way I wanted. I wanted to blend in with others and appear “normal”. I wanted to be …anonymous? To observe how others were without drawing attention to myself. So I knew I was different. I didn’t know what it was, what I was doing wrong, or how to fix things. As a teenager, I hated myself. I wanted so much to be someone else, anyone but me. I used to hit my head against the wall as punishment, tire myself out doing this so I could go to sleep without thinking too much. In hindsight, I know that this was deep depression but back then I didn’t know how to name my feelings.

I have been asked, “Why didn’t you receive services when you were in school?” The reason for this: I started school in 1983 and finished in 1994/5. I finished school around the time that the DSM-IV was released. I did an environmental course as soon as I left school and realised I had trouble relating to all kinds of people, not just the others at school. Bullying at the adult level! I fantasised that some of the people in my course would meet a grisly, violent death. At end of this six month course I was barely verbal and full of rage.

I managed to get a job at a fast-food restaurant but only lasted three weeks – let go because I was not a “people person” and lacked a “cheerful disposition”. It was hard to be cheerful when I found speaking to customers was one thing, appearing cheerful was another, combining the two would be asking for something more than I could give at the time.

Then I started work at a mushroom farm. I was able to get that job because I was interviewed at the same time as my sister, she helped me. So I worked there for 9 years, too scared to go anywhere else because of the process of looking and applying for more jobs. I also hated being “the new person”. I had experienced this in school.

During this time I became aware of what I needed to “shelter” myself. Routines for everything – from getting ready for work to doing my weekly shopping. Only one thing would be planned if I were to go out – anymore than that and I would feel odd. I lived alone and it was how I preferred to be. I became aware of this, though, my isolation, lack of friends, lack of ability to sustain a relationship, saying no to social outings, etc. I became aware that this was not “normal”. I felt broken and lacked the knowledge to be able to do something about it.

I was diagnosed shortly after this realisation. I was on my way to regressing. I felt like such a mental case. Couldn’t work anymore, had to sell my flat, had to be supported by my family full-time.

I believe that I am recovering from that stage in my life. I know now that I have to look after myself in a way, to not burn out. To not break the way I did before. And for that, I need support.

Am I disabled? Yes. I have also gained abilities.

I have had a few people disagree that I should call myself “autistic”. Yes, I am a person first. But my autism doesn’t come second. It prefers to be with me at all times.

Hmm, another way I could put it is that I am a person with asthma. This would be right and if someone said I was an asthmatic, I would be ok with it. But if I suddenly didn’t have asthma anymore, I would still be me (with a little more money that I didn’t spend on asthma medication – and I would be able to SCUBA dive as well with no restrictions). My asthma doesn’t define me, it isn’t part of my personality.

So if a person with asthma, a person with epilepsy, a person with diabetes, etc. were cured of their conditions, they would probably be a lot happier and essentially be the same person with the same personality and the same friends and all that.

If I didn’t have autism anymore….I don’t know who I would be. That is a scary thought, really. I don’t know if I would like the same things, read the same books, even be married to my husband, have the same relationships with my family. What would I be doing without autism? I could be leading a completely different life.

I know some anti-cure views are that we should be proud of who we are, we don’t need a cure, etc. But if I was offered a cure (less sensory issues would be a relief), I would be scared. Because if I took the cure there would be no turning back and who knows how I would turn out on the other end? It is more of a personal issue for me and I believe that it should be for all autistic people – they should decide for themselves rather than tell others what they should do.

If someone calls me a “person with autism”. I am fine with that. But I will call myself “autistic”. I will explain why (if I can) when asked about it.

Autism is with me, it is a part of me, it is me.

Nuisance that it is sometimes.